


The Unfortunate Tale of Captain Carnage

by Lycaste



Category: Watchmen (Comic), Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lycaste/pseuds/Lycaste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was the real reason Rorschach dropped Captain Carnage down that elevator shaft?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unfortunate Tale of Captain Carnage

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ in Feb, 2009.

**Title:** The Unfortunate Tale of Captain Carnage  
 **Author:** lilac28  
 **Pairing:** Nite Owl/Rorschach  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Disclaimer:** I wish I could write something as amazing as Watchmen. Sadly I did not.  
 **Notes:** Just for fun. Written because I've always gotten such a big kick out of the scene where Dan and Laurie discuss Captain Carnage, the guy who dresses like a villain just for the abuse.  
 **Summary:** What was the real reason Rorschach dropped Captain Carnage down that elevator shaft?

 

When he first donned his makeshift mask and cheap costume, Captain Carnage was surprised to find how truly easy it was to goad masked heroes into violence. A well-turned phrase or empty threat often resulted in the most delicious of beatings. To be caught in the act of perpetrating an actual crime usually lead to such a flurry of furious fists that he would come before it was all over. Gloved fingers would close around his throat. Colorful, spandex-clad thighs would deliver powerful kicks to his body. He'd surge against them, eagerly playing the part of the bad guy and pretending to fight back, all the while reveling in being treated like the worm he was. Men, women, it didn't matter. Captain Carnage was just in it for the abuse, and costumed heroes were all too eager to dole out the castigation he craved.

Thus he was more than a little befuddled as he watched the vigilante known as Nite Owl walk away from him at a rather brisk pace.

It made no sense. From what he could gather, Nite Owl seemed to be one of the most upstanding of all of them. A man with very little ego who just wanted to make the world a better place. The crimes of Captain Carnage should _disgust_ him. He should have been just itching to pummel the villain into orgasmic submission, and yet he had turned and strode away. Captain Carnage knew that Nite Owl wasn't averse to violence. He had heard tales of bruised and bloodied mobsters dropped off at police stations. The man partnered with that weirdo Rorschach for Christ's sake!

"Wait....where are you going? I'm robbing a bank here! What the hell is wrong with you? Aren't you going to stop me?"

"No." Nite Owl just walked faster, ducking his head as though embarrassed.

"But it's your job! You have to teach me a lesson. I deserve to be punished!" He chased Nite Owl down the street, not caring that it was broad daylight. He eventually caught up and tugged on the man's sleeve like a child demanding the attention of a parent. "Punish me!"

"No! Get lost!" Nite Owl tore his arm free and began to stalk off again.

Captain Carnage was desperate. The whole situation had started out so promising; he couldn't believe he was now being denied. He shook with anger and barely contained arousal. That self-righteous tease! How dare he call himself a crime fighter?

"Oh sure, sure," he called out. "I see how it is. You like to dress up but you don't have what it takes to be a real hero! What's the matter? Can't get into it without your little ink blot girlfriend around to back you up?"

Captain Carnage's heart leapt in his chest as Nite Owl froze. Perhaps he was on to something! He began spewing out any incendiary remark he could think of.

"Ha! I should have known you two were queer for each other, you fairy superheroes always are. Does he help you take off your bird costume?"

It was working! Nite Owl turned to glare at him, daggers in his eyes apparent even through the goggles. The man was practically radiating irritation. Captain Carnage sidled up to him, intent on delivering the last verbal blow.

"Or maybe..." he lowered his voice as though about to tell a secret. "Maybe it's one sided, hmmm? Do you lust after him night after night, dreaming of what's behind that mask? Jerking yourself off to fantasies you'd never dare to admit to him? Maybe you wish-"

He never finished the sentence. Nite Owl's clenched fist cracked his skull with such force that he spun around and fell to the ground in a blissful haze of pain and pleasure. Stars clouded his vision, blood gushed out of his nose. The vigilante stormed away and Captain Carnage could only piece together one thought as he lay hemorrhaging on the pavement: if Nite Owl was this angry over insinuated desires just _imagine_ how pissed off Rorschach would be....

 

 

 

 

"Or maybe it's one sided, hmmm? Do you lust after him night after night, dreaming of revealing your true face to him? Do you imagine him between your legs as you jerk yourself off alone in bed, clothed only in your mask and shame?"

Captain Carnage was shivering in anticipation as Rorschach stood before him. Earlier in the evening he had broken into an office building near where he thought Rorschach patrolled, hoping his act of vandalism would be stopped. He wasn't disappointed. Although motionless, the vigilante's fury was palpable. One more well-placed, baiting taunt and he would surely explode in a glorious onslaught of extreme force.

"I saw him recently, you know. Maybe the next time I see him I could let him know how you feel. Help you out a little."

Rorschach crossed the distance between them in a split second. "Sick," he breathed in disgust. Being so close, Captain Carnage could now see him slightly trembling. He was much shorter in person, but there was no doubt in his ability to dispense discipline. Oh, how sweet this would be!

"Don't you hate having a super-villain talk to you like this? Don't you want to give me pain? Don't you want to _punish me_?"

"Yes," Rorschach seized him by the front of his costume. "Yes, I do."

Rorschach shoved him back a few steps and brutally slammed his head against a wall. Captain Carnage was in such a dizzying, crumpled haze of aroused joy that he barely noticed the banging and metallic squeaking as something was opened next to him. Rorschach proved stronger than he looked for his size as he grabbed the villain and hoisted him off the floor. Just when he was about to come from the rough treatment alone, Captain Carnage had an unpleasant realization.

He was no longer leaning against anything solid. There was only air at his back.

"Whoa! Wait-" he made a feeble attempt to clutch at the wiry arms holding him.

"Long way down, lots of pain. You're welcome."

With that Rorschach released him into thin air. And at last Captain Carnage comprehended how grievously he had underestimated his foe....

 

 

 

_Three nights later, in the Owlship_

At the first slivers of dawn Nite Owl began piloting the Owlship back to his secret entrance. He and Rorschach were both tired and satisfied after a night of successful crime busting. Something he had forgotten to tell his partner at the beginning of the evening snapped back into his mind.

"Oh, hey, guess what happened to me. I had a run in with Captain Carnage last week. He's one for the books. The guy kept trying to get me to beat up on him!"

"Pervert."

"I know. He gets off on it. Watch out if you come across him."

"Came across him a few days ago."

"You're kidding. Really? Did he pull his little 'punish me' routine with you?"

"Yes."

Nite Owl removed his goggles and buried his face in his hands. "Oh God, what did you do?"

"Dropped him down an elevator shaft."

Laughter echoed throughout the Owlship. It shouldn't have been funny but it was, especially delivered in Rorschach's serious monotone.

"He said he wanted pain. Felt compelled to oblige."

"I just walked away from him while he was begging for the abuse," he managed to get the words out in between a series of giggles that were very unbecoming on a masked crime fighter.

"You didn't hit him?"

"No. Well, I did throw one good punch after he said something that pissed me off." Nite Owl regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth.

"What did he say?"

"Uh, what?" He felt anxious, mind scrambling for a response.

"Made you angry. What did he say?"

"He said, um, that owls were stupid birds that deserved to be extinct." He prayed the words came out with the intended ease. If Rorschach suspected his partner was lying, he gave no indication.

"Hrmm...low blow."

"I know. Did he say anything to you?"

A tense hush settled over Archie's cockpit like radioactive dust, stifling in its toxicity. Rorschach was just staring at him, kaleidoscopic gaze giving away nothing. Eyes he couldn't see were burning into him, melting the heroic Nite Owl into nerdy Dan Dreiberg. He struggled to keep his features and hands relaxed, even though they desperately wanted to fidget.

The interminable moment stretched on. Dan's heart was beating with such strength he feared Rorschach could hear it. Words almost tumbled out of his mouth. Sick confessions. Something inside of him screamed that above all else, it was crucial to end this scrutinizing stillness. He almost said something, even took in a breath to do so. At the last second, his rational mind intervened and the admission came out instead as a repeated question.

"Are you listening? I asked if he said anything to you." Just as well. He didn't want a broken nose tonight.

Rorschach turned his head and simply muttered, "called me a Communist."

Dan winced. Captain Carnage had clearly not known what he was doing.

"What's this?" Rorschach was pointing to a new button near the passenger seat. It was labeled with the symmetrical letter "R" symbol that he had taken to leaving as his calling card.

"Oh," Dan cleared his throat, relieved that the one-sided staring contest had ended. "That's for you. Press it."

Rorschach touched a gloved finger to the button. At the edge of the console, a small compartment popped open to reveal a stash of individually wrapped sugar cubes. Taken aback by the gesture, he could only pick up a cube and turn it over in his palm, as though hypnotized by it. He tried to deny the crushing feeling in his chest.

"I figured you could use them, seeing as how we never take a lunch break."

Dan threw one of those genuine, soft smiles. The ones that made Walter Kovacs feel like he was panicking. In one furtive motion he unwrapped the cube, lifted the mask, and placed it on his tongue; grateful for the moisture that chewing brought to his suddenly dry mouth.

Archie's whining engine wasn't enough to drown out a barely audible, "thank you, Daniel."

The remainder of the journey passed in almost comfortable silence.


End file.
